Why Dream?

Unedited First Draft

My words get caught. They
stutter, sputter, like
empty faucets, my mind
slowed to a drip, drip,
Dream. Scheming to send
improv sensations down
my spine, I think of what I want -
but my mind.

My mind...

My mind does not allow me to hear my heart.

It's caught
controlled
condemned
by Fear and
I'd rather adhere
to the safety of the now
the steady symptoms of systems that have failed me,
The mediocre mundane monstronsity
that is the Maria in the mirror
in front of me: so much doubt
and insecurity - and

Shakespeare said it best:
"To sleep, perchance to dream" -
but it seems insomnia's got me and
Experience has shot me full of
stigmas and skepticism. Negativity
Screams, "Why dream?"

Why reach for the moon - or
even the stars? Why want?
Why desire? Why burn with
hot intent when Time will be
Spent - maybe Wasted? - on
this thing I don't know, I
may never know, I may not even
catch a glimpse of? Why dream?

Why think of opportunities - my
family, finally happy; financial
security; education's availability -
Why dream? Why admit that I'm lacking,
that I am not whole, that I fear being
a hole you squirt your seed into and
that any decision I make might make me
Fade? Why dream?

It seems everything bad is inevitable and
You really need a heart of gold to
Find the worth of chances taken, realities
shaken, emotions stirred - man, why dream?

Why dream?

Why dream?

What I fear is not the dream.
I dream of immortal sanity
brought about by a happy family,
the unlimited potential to
take in and embrace all that I see,
To Be, y'all. To Be. Free.
Free from drama, free from
hostility, free from doubt, free
from insecurity. For real:

My ultimate dream is for my mind to be at ease.

What I fear is admitting that the simple,
happy life is too complicated to achieve.

So why dream, when I risk not reaching my goals?
Why dream? Cuz more than anything else, I fear
not being bold.